9:04
The smell of my house when I walked in the door tonight: wood, lilies (because Daniel buys flowers every week), a little bit of damp, residue of incense burned a week ago, a hundred meals worth of potatoes. It’s warm here, and our house releases smells when it goes from warm to cold.
The bodega around the corner, which always plays the oldies station, and, when you grew up in the 70s and 80s, your most treasured music is now oldies music. Last Friday “Beat It” was on. I never loved the song then, but my heart soared when I heard it. I did the steps I remembered from the video in the aisle. It was only a couple of steps. Today it was the Pretenders, and Chrissie Hynde always is a pleasure.
The bus that pulled up a minute after I got to the stop, and dropped me off right at the bodega.
Those were the exit doors from my foul mood (hmm. Not really, unless it conveys a sequence, and I don’t think exit doors conveys a sequence. Off ramps has the same problem. I originally had “antidotes” but that’s too cliched. Maybe “rungs on the ladder out of..”? Votive candles lighting the pathway beyond? Time to stop.)
Meditation makes these experiences as big as the more frustrating ones. The original title of this post, when I was writing it in my mind was Everything Girl, or maybe Everything Girl vs. the Demons. I was set to carry on about frustrations, how I am piling on unnecessary and foolish discontents and bullying myself when I’m already carrying a very heavy load, and doing it pretty damn well.
Then I walked in and there was the smell. And I remembered the song. And I thought about how nice it was that the bus took me exactly right there. And that became the most important thing to write about.
Everything girl, bless her heart, is never very far away, nor are the demons (actually the point of the post was or will be that everything girl is in fact a demon… it will make sense once I introduce her), but that’s for another time.
9:22, because I feel done. And about 5 minutes were spent watching the Beat It video to make sure that the moves were really from Beat It, rather than Thriller. So much smoking! That wouldn’t be allowed now. See for yourself:
Another Door 